Don’t let the cover picture fool you, monkeys aren’t always as sweet as they look. I went to India with the same mentality as everyone else; loving the cute little critters that supposedly threw poo at those they didn’t like. They break societal barriers in the same way we all wish we could. But, a month in India will change you in ways you couldn’t possibly foresee. I ended up having a series of issues with monkeys which rocked me to my core.
The first time is always the worst.
There I was walking home from a long day of exploring which had also given me an appetite. Seeing cheap, delicious bananas on the side of the road I decided to buy a bag. Walking past the millionth monkey troop I barely paid it attention. That was until one jumped off a wall, running and screeching towards me. His friends who stayed on the wall were undoubtably egging him on. Not really paying much attention to anything but the dressed up cow in front of me I didn’t notice I was about to become the victim of a monkey attack until we were were playing tug of war with my fucking bananas. Not knowing if I would have my face mauled trying to defend my lunch I gave it up. It ran away on it’s two hind legs holding it’s plunder and looking smug. It was eventually chased down by some local heroes and brought to justice. This story has a happy ending in that I got 80% of my bananas back and my friend, Chezarne almost pee’d herself laughing. The owner of the ’holy’ cow once we were in the safe vicinity of our guest house proposed that we purchase a question from said cow. Though tempted we declined.
Secondly- Hostage situation.
Chezarne and I saw some monkeys outside of our room on the rooftop and decided to be the nice people we are and feed them with some left over bananas and peels. They swiftly bounded from the roof to our door which we managed to shut just in time. They stayed outside banging on the door for god knows how long. We stayed hot and cramped inside with a bad wifi connection.
Thirdly- The Taj Mahal
There I was, innocently admiring the Taj Mahal having a pleasant and easy going day when I noticed a monkey to my side trying to figure out how the water fountain worked. Seeing a thirsty monkey in distress, I thought I would be the hero of the day and just turn on one of the fountain tap with my fancy opposable thumbs. Nope. It jumped up throwing it’s arms while hissing and barring it’s teeth. I literally threw my hands straight up in the air and ran.
Fourthly- The monkey Temple.
I’d survived almost a month in India through all of my monkey and non monkey related ordeals. By the time I got to this temple with more than a few close one’s’ I really didn’t want to test out my travel insurance policy. I’d mentally decided to stay as far away as possible from monkeys. That was until some genius came up with the idea of going to the monkey temple.
Being the dare devil/ push over that I am I said yes.
We arrived and as the name would lead you to believe, there was a shit load of monkeys. They were jumping, running, pushing and climbing around everywhere.
As we walked through the monkey playgrounds AKA temple we noticed a baby who’d had part of it’s face mauled off. In a temple. THIS IS A HOLY PLACE! Not only that but there was also monkey fights. The writing was on the wall, you didn’t have to tell me twice, I got the fuck outta there.
A redeeming factor is another monkey pulled a woman’s skirt and refused to move. And there was a group of monkeys on idle motorbikes who had to be chased away. It’s funny when it’s not you.
Moral of the story folks; things aren’t always what they seem. Never trust something that will turn around and throw it’s poop on you.