I find that the best travel stories, like regular stories involve someone crying and or vomiting in a hilariously epic and awkward way.
So here it is. My gift to you.
My Thai Valentine's Day.
Picture a beautiful clean beach cove surrounded by giant jagged rocky cliffs scattered palm trees, caves, beach bars and a bunch of free spirits and you've found yourself in Tonsai beach, Krabi. If you like cheap prices, fire dancing and mushy shakes, this is the place for you.
Valentine's day began with a swim and relaxing on the beach with my partner.
This was followed by couple massages on the beach. Sounds relaxing, right? Wrong! The masseuse managed to bend me in ways I've never bent.
Muscles I didn't even know I had ached. I found holding my breath to be a particularly effective method.
Also, what are you supposed to do whilst getting your boobs massaged? Do I make conversation? I chose to look away and make things as painful and uncomfortable as possible which became worse when I thought she was laughing at the fact that I was yet to shave. I'd never been so happy to finish a massage.
The main Valentine's day event was a sunset snorkel tour which was way overpriced to go island hopping, see bio-luminescence, BBQ dinner and a 'private beach' sunset fire show.
We were whisked away in a small fish tail boat filled with around 10 tourists from various predominantly European countries. The islands on the tour were same same but different, all offering something new and beautiful. The visibility was perfect and there were moderate amounts of sea life in the water. Including huge schools of fish which circled us. Next we went to the 'private paradise beach' which was really just an orgy of tourists with selfie sticks. The BBQ dinner offered included rice, kebabs, vegetables and a seemingly dehydrated fish head or tail. Everything went downhill pretty quickly from there.
We watched the sunset and fire dancing show. Immediately after standing, I knew something was wrong and although I didn't want to get back in the boat, if I wanted to get home I would have to. The boat trip was pretty turbulent which definitely didn't help my stomach. I ended up spending a large amount of the time to the bioluminescence vomiting off the site and being avoided by everyone else, who made themselves pretty comfortable on the other end of the boat. I chose to snorkel as I couldn't stand the movement of the boat and didn't want to miss the bioluminescence, jumping off the site of the boat I hadn't vomited off. Using my partners mask I managed to vomit in the snorkel and almost drown before scrambling back up to the rocking boat. Least I saw the bio luminescence which was like tiny stars under the water.
It was a long ride back especially for me who didn't stop vomiting the whole way back, but eventually we made it back Tonsai. My partner took my bag as I couldn't control more than where exactly I was sick. I managed to get out of the boat with a dramatic fall into the water before I promptly continued to vomit. My partner with the weight of two bags got to the top of the ladder to climb out of the boat doing a pretty spectacular fall back into the hull. This was a 1 and a half metre drop straight onto his back and legs. It took 3 people to pick him back up and I clearly was unable to help him given my state. We managed to hobble back to our bungalow to share a very intimate evening with an empty bucket.